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Wednesday,  August 5, 2020

The Adventures of President Biden, 1

SCENE: White House family living quarters, early morning, January 21, 2021

First Lady Jill Biden: “Joe? Time to wake up, Joe. You’re the president now, you have things to do.”

President Joe Biden: “I don’t wanna.”

Jill: “Joe, if you don’t get up, you know what’s going to happen.”

Joe: (groans) “C’mon, man!”

Jill: “Do you want me to call Nurse Gunther to blow into your nose?”

Joe: (whining) “No. His breath smells like old bratwurst.”

Jill: “Then you need to get up. They’ve got breakfast waiting for you. Your favorite.”

Joe: (perks up) “Cheerios in lime Jell-O?”

Jill: “Yes, Joe. Just the way you like them.”

Joe: “Well, okay.” (pulls back the covers, sits up) “Hey, after breakfast can we go in the backyard and play on the swings?”

Jill: “Not yet, Joe. Your swing set is still at home in Delaware. They’re taking it down today and they'll bring it here and set it up this afternoon. You can play on the swings tomorrow.”

Joe: (looks around in confusion) “What do you mean at home in Delaware? Isn’t this home? Where am I?”

Jill: “This is the White House. You’re president now, and this is home.”

Joe: (frowns, lies back down) “I don’t wanna be president if I can’t play on my swings.”

Jill: “You’ll get to play on your swings tomorrow, Joe.”

Joe: “But I want to play on them today!”

Jill: (sighs, turns toward door where Nurse Gunther stands waiting) “Do your thing.”

Joe: (wails in alarm and horror as Nurse Gunther approaches)




Tuesday,  July 28, 2020

Seeds of Doubt

Those heathen Chinese just will not stop.

The Wyoming Department of Agriculture (WDA) has reported folks across Wyoming receiving seeds in the mail from what appears to be China that they did not order.

“Unsolicited seeds could be invasive, introduce diseases to local plants, or be harmful to livestock,” says WDA.

At this time, USDA says they do not have any evidence indicating this is something other than a “brushing scam” where people receive unsolicited items from a seller who then posts false customer reviews to boost sales.

The USDA is currently collecting seed packages from recipients and will test their contents and determine if they contain anything that could be of concern to U.S. agriculture or the environment.

“Just a scam.” You can choose to believe that, or not. Either way, the U.S. Department of Agriculture strongly advises that recipients NOT plant these unsolicited seeds, and if they are in a sealed package do not open the package.

Save the seeds, packaging, and all labeling and contact the USDA Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service (APHIS) for information on submitting the seeds for testing.

First they sent us devices and apps with spyware hard-wired into them, then they sent as bat fever. Now they’re sending us seeds that for all we know could sprout into Triffids as part of a fiendish plot to destroy the world for their own gain.

Why couldn’t they have been content with sending us tasty and nutritious kung pao chicken?




Tuesday,  July 28, 2020

Hmmmmmm...

It’s just occurred to me that the COVID panic began at about the same time I started using Blogspot again.

So, maybe I should scuttle that and go back to doing my blogging here.

Not that my blogging frequency will improve...




Saturday,  July 4, 2020

Independence Day

Originally posted on my now-defunct Blogspot site.

In the past, I’ve posted the text of the Declaration of Independence. This year I’ve been a little too busy, so instead, here’s a link to its text in The National Archives.

At a time when a noisy and over-indulged fringe of the population, representative of no one despite claiming to champion millions, seeks to overturn the fundamental principles of this federal republic where there is no king under God, it can only be to civilization's benefit that you read its text.




Sunday,  June 14, 2020

Surprised? Who, Me?

Originally posted on my now-defunct Blogspot site.

If you use Google Calendar, you may have availed yourself of its option to note various holidays and dates of interest.

Today, June 14, is unremarked on Google Calendar. Nor is there a doodle, apparently, on their search page.

Maybe they’re afraid their employees will burn the headquarters down.




Monday,  April 20, 2020

Keeping the Wild Elephants Away

Originally posted on my now-defunct Blogspot site.

Old story: A man was riding a city bus in a major Midwestern metropolis, with a set of old phone books on his lap and an open window beside him. As the bus moved through the city streets, he periodically tore a page out of one of the phone books and threw the page out the window.

The bus driver, growing increasingly concerned about this odd behavior, radioed to the dispatcher and asked to have a police officer meet the bus at the next stop.

When the bus rolled to a stop at the corner, a uniformed cop was waiting, and saw a page come flying out of the bus window. He boarded the bus and made his way down the aisle to where the man was sitting.

"Hey, buddy, why are you throwing paper out the window of the bus?"

"To keep the wild elephants away," replied the rider matter-of-factly.

"Say again?"

"I’m doing this to keep the wild elephants away. They're huge, dangerous beasts and they could trample an innocent man, woman or child if they’re not kept off the streets."

The cop took a deep breath and sighed. Why do I always get the lunatics? he wondered. "Mister, there isn’t a wild elephant for miles around here! The zoo doesn’t even have one!"

"There, you see?" retorted the bus passenger. "It works!"

When the facts finally come out about just how many people ever actually got sick from the Wuhan bat fever (as opposed to what seems to be the asymptomatic majority), and what the actual mortality rate was as compared to the hysterical predictions amplified by the panic-mongering media, some will argue that these actual, much lower figures are proof that their response to the pandemic danger was justified.

I’m not saying there never were any wild elephants, but don’t let anyone tell you that throwing paper out of the bus window is what kept them from trampling innocent citizens.




Monday,  February 10, 2020

Immigration Double Standard

Funny how the same people who blocked states from trying to use their own resources to enforce U.S. immigration law, on the basis of it being a solely federal function, now find it expedient to interfere with federal efforts to enforce U.S. immigration law.

Consistency may be the hobgoblin of little minds, but I haven’t seen a lot to recommend the big minds.




Tuesday,  February 4, 2020

The Real Threat to Civilization

If civilization is about to fall, the proximate cause may well be any number of things — war, famine, pestilence, technological collapse — but the ultimate underlying cause is more likely to be the complete incompetence of Generation Woke.

(I distinguish Generation Woke from the millennial and post-millennial generations because it doesn’t represent the entirety of any chronological generation — though its members seem to think everyone in or out of their age cohort should think exactly like them, hence “cancel culture.”)

Having taken over so many essential sectors of civilized life with priorities that have no bearing whatsoever on what those sectors are supposed to do, they are causing catastrophe in everything they touch. They have ruined news, sports and entertainment. They have made technology less usable with each new version. They’ve pretty much sounded the death knell for the Iowa Caucuses, though in my book that’s more of a mercy than a disaster. And Boeing? Don’t bet against it there either.

I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the emergence of the coronavirus in China is due to their own version of Generation Woke, as exemplified by their current dictator, Wini Dhu Pu or whatever his name is. (Edit: Sorry, Xi Jinping. It’s only pronounced “Wini Dhu Pu.”)

Generation Woke has no perspective, no sense of humor, and no concept of how civilization managed to exist in time for them to come along. They must think it’s all been some weird cosmic accident that enabled all the mindless cavemen of every previous generation to somehow have cell phones and jet planes and space probes. The first legitimate rocket scientist is in his 30s, and the first genuine brain surgeon is only a few days older, so the existence of these things before them has got to be just the real-life equivalent of an infinite number monkeys sitting for an infinite amount of time in front of an infinite number of typewriters. No way it could have happened on purpose!

And since those monkeys can’t possibly know how they did it, there’s nothing to be learned from them. The knowledge has been divinely placed in the heads of the woke! All you lesser creatures make way and let Generation Woke save you from yourselves!!!

You know, my generation gets teased for never reading the instructions, but largely that’s because my generation wrote the damn instructions. I suppose that speaks of an arrogance that, sadly, is our greatest legacy to our successors. I can only hope it’s not the entire legacy.




Tuesday,  January 7, 2020

Why Media and Academia Are So Distrusted

The local less-than-daily newspaper this morning features an op-ed prominently on its website, questioning whether the U.S. ought to have killed Iran’s terror-master, Qasem Soleimani. The author, a local college faculty member, worries that President Trump has given in to bellicose advisors who have been trying to get him into a war with Iran for years.

Just one problem: people who have actually been observing Iran for years, and who are observing the effect of Soleimani’s death on Iran’s standing in the Middle East — as well as on how well Iran’s actions match its blustery rhetoric — say Soleimani’s death has made war with Iran less likely, not more.

Soleimani was in Iraq planning and directing a campaign to inflame the country against America, of which the embassy attack a few days prior was a part. With the mastermind dead, that campaign is in ruins. It’s also worth noting that Iran struggled for years to win the Iran-Iraq war, stalemated by an enemy U.S. forces later swept from the battlefield in four days.

The hand-wringers worry about Iran’s nuclear program. They also worry about North Korea’s nuclear program. In the 1980s they were sure then-President Reagan’s staunch pro-Americanism would provoke the Soviet Union into nuclear war.

Normal people know and remember history, and make rational judgments about the present based on it. Academics, on the other hand, deconstruct and re-interpret history in counter-factual ways so they can seem to be the smartest people in the room for “knowing” things that just aren’t so. And the media promote these fantasies to sell papers generate page views. Neither sector has an incentive to tell the truth anymore, if they ever did.




Friday,  January 3, 2020

Whom Will History Dub Iran’s Yamamoto?

Japan’s Admiral Yamamoto is credited with ruing his country’s attack on the U.S. naval base at Pearl Harbor, on December 7, 1941, with the words, “I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve.” The quote, however, originated in a movie about the attack, made in 1970.

Still, the quote lives on and sticks to the real-life admiral in the public imagination, and nobody seems eager to make a website of “Shit Admiral Yamamoto Never Said.”

In the wake of yesterday’s U.S. response to the Iranian-backed terrorist attack on our embassy in Baghdad, in which several high-ranking Iranian officials were killed, I can only wonder when a figure will emerge within the Mullarchy to whom some similar words of regret will be attributed.

This guy may press a claim, but I don’t think he has a leg to stand on.



 

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Original content and design © 2020 Kevin McGehee. Images and excerpts are © their respective owners.