Why Supervillains Always Escape Justice

Judge: “Prosecutor, please begin.”

Prosecutor: “Your Honor, the defendant, Stephen Charles Harper, stands accu—”

Defense: “Objection. As counsel for the prosecution knows full well, my client had his name changed legally three years ago. He is no longer Stephen Charles Harper, and must be addressed and referred to by his legal name, ‘Doctor Mayhem.’”

Judge: “Sustained. Please continue.”

Prosecutor: “Yes, Your Honor. The defendant, Doctor Mayhem, stands accused of two million, one hundred thirty-seven thousand, nine hundred and twelve counts of first degree murder; fourteen million, six hundred fifteen thousand and four counts of negligent homicide; forty-seven million, eight hundred sixty-three thousand, one hundred seventy-seven counts of forcible rape; and two counts of animal cruelty. The evidence against him consists of video captured from his own live video feed of the crimes which he sent to every TV, computer and wireless telephone on earth as he committed them. As a result he was seen committing each and every one of the crimes with which he is charged, by—literally—every single living man, woman and child left on earth.”

Judge: “Thank you, Prosecutor. Counsel for the defense?”

Defense: “Your Honor, my client pleads ‘not guilty.’”

Prosecutor: (sputters) “Not guilty!? Didn’t you just hear me? The evidence—”

Defense: “The nature of the evidence means that there is not one single living man, woman or child left on earth who is qualified to serve on a jury.”

Prosecutor:

Judge:

Defense:

Prosecutor: “Move to dismiss.”

 

No Sympathy

New Yorkers are hopping mad at their billionaire mayor, Nanny Bloomberg, over snow removal.

This is the guy they let rewrite the city’s term limits law so he could seek a third term.

Sucks, don’t it?

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Merry

Christmas.

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Dreaming

Possible snow showers in the long-range forecast for Saturday.

Santa must’ve gotten my letter.

Update: ‘Tis the day before Christmas and all through the region, last-minute travelers may soon get religion.

Assuming the forecast doesn’t implode in the next several hours, that is.

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Why Am I Not a Billionaire?

Years ago I came up with the idea of a wicker boutique in Montana’s capital, to be named “Helena Handbasket.”

A few years later I decided the Alaska riverside town of Nenana needed its own newspaper, the Nenana Republic (if you don’t know how to pronounce “Nenana,” that’s how).

Now I’ve discovered the dire need for a secondhand store in the largest city in western Colorado: “Grand Junk.”

Why isn’t somebody (like, say, for example, Helen Bakugan) paying me for these?

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Official Endorsement

As of right now, ak4mc.us and Twenty Eleven (and I) endorse Herman Cain for President in 2012.

If he runs.

Some background: My wife and I met Herman Cain in 2004 at the IHOP in Fayetteville, Georgia while he was seeking the Republican nomination for the U.S. Senate; Cain almost forced Johnny Isakson into a runoff, which might have been a good thing for Georgia—although Herman Cain as a sitting Senator would be a far less palatable candidate for President (as even he admitted to Greta Van Susteren the other night).

Cain sat across from Chris and me talking to us while the rest of the crowd at the event arrived. We’d already been intrigued by his TV spots and although at the time I’d been leaning toward supporting my then-Congressman, Mac Collins, Collins’ incessant negative attacks on all the other candidates had gotten on my nerves. We came away convinced that Herman Cain was the real deal.

And I wouldn’t mind seeing someone I’ve already met taking the presidential oath 25 months from now.

 

Reagan 101

Within the limits of their own horizons, all people want the future to be better than the present.

All people. Including criminals and mass-murderers, though their horizons are dark and their definition of “better” is twisted. Still, that’s what it takes to write believable characters in fiction: to start with the assumption that even villains have some notion of a “better” future, for themselves if for no one else.

But it’s also an important consideration in motivating people to act in desired ways; no one likes to be criticized incessantly for being less than perfect. They want to learn what they can do to make it better.

When Ronald Reagan spoke about the things the Democrats had gotten wrong during the Carter years, it was always as preamble to what he wanted to do to get it right. He pointed out error and failure, but blame was secondary to his message—his real point was always, “That’s the past. Now, here’s what we as Americans can do to make the future better.”

Anyone looking at Reagan’s record as President knows he never got all of the things done that he said he wanted to do. He got what he could with the time and resources he had, and left office hoping his successor would build on his legacy. Can anyone imagine Ronald Reagan throwing his hands in the air, sputtering that George H.W. Bush had screwed up once and for all and everything he, Reagan, had done was now lost forever?

That wasn’t his style. And that isn’t what America needs in 2011. The Republicans in Congress need to be corrected when they screw up—not condemned.

 

Ease of Use

Yesterday I meant to go on a quick run to the store to pick up a few things, but when I started the truck it was a little sluggish on the crank. I’d gone a bit too long between oil changes so I decided to get that taken care of.

It took several minutes for a bay to become available so despite the chill I turned off the engine while I wanted. I was heavily layered so it wasn’t too uncomfortable. Finally the car ahead of me was finished and the attendant waved me forward.

And the truck wouldn’t start.

A mechanic got under the truck and tapped on the starter until it fired up, and I went ahead and got my oil change—but when they asked me to start ‘er up at one point I realized I had a persistent problem.

I ended up going directly from the oil change place to our regular mechanic over in the next town. Since I had it there anyway I asked that they also take a look at the pesky door latch that’s been killing inside latch handles at an alarming rate.

It took ‘em until this afternoon, but my truck starts, and when I get where I’m going I can get out without rolling down the window.

This time of year, it’s a toss-up which is more important.

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Round 1

…goes to the good guys.

H/t: Commenter Pablo at Protein Wisdom.

 

So Much for That Theory

Some observers have joked from time to time since the 2008 Democratic National Convention, that then-Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) chose then-Sen. Spongejoe Hairplugs (D-DE) as his running mate as (among other things) “impeachment insurance.”

In the real world, if any figure were ever really chosen for such a reason, its effectiveness would depend entirely on said figure being kept away from the actual levers of power until such time as the primary were removed from those levers himself.

Certainly whenever talk of impeaching President Obama has come up, there has tended to be a counter-argument that Obama’s ouster would leave Vice President Spongejoe in the Oval Office in his place, an unacceptable outcome. For what it’s worth, I’ve never been persuaded by this. And now…

Now, at the halfway point of a first term in which Mr. Obama has mostly relied on the counsel of a tightly closed inner circle, Mr. Biden is taking a more prominent and influential role.

As the Ground Shifts, Biden Plays a Bigger Role

H/t: Tom Maguire, by way of Jim Geraghty‘s “Morning Jolt.”

It’s no longer possible to argue that President Spongejoe would make things unacceptably worse than the existing situation. Given how eagerly Obama made himself scarce from his joint press availability with former President Hugh Hefner Bill Clinton, there’s a very real likelihood that the White House leadership vacuum will be filled by the guy the Constitution places next in line for the job.

Impeachment insurance.

Right.

 

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